We all have one, is yours controlling you?

Lately I've been doing a lot of looking within, so that I may heal the parts of me that are calling out for healing. I've found quite a few "selves" that feel neglected.

A self will pop up for me to shine a light on, so that I may acknowledge it and give it the love it so desperately craves.

So many of us, myself included, have spent most of our lives avoiding our shadows, our "less than" parts that society tells us are "bad".

There are so many groups who proclaim it is unnecessary to "go there", and to just focus on the "good". This has never resonated with me. For some strong reason I have always felt that avoiding the "bad" stuff was completely incorrect. I am not talking about wallowing and/or living in a victim type mentality. I am talking about being brave. I am talking about trusting in the Universe. I'm talking about finally loving yourself enough to go where you never thought you could and look at all the parts of yourself you've carefully tucked away.

Easier said than done! Don't I know it. I've spent the better part of my life running from my "less than desirable selves". Which by the way only prompts them to be out of control. If you get to know me you will realize that I usually don't run from much. I learned long ago that running from issues was a waste of time, so I decided to head my problems head on. Except, my shadow. My shadow was too scary and to admit that I carried around "bad" selves was way too unsettling for me. Of course being who I am this created quite the conflict inside me.

I have found that there are selves that walk the tightrope between "good" and "bad" and one of them, for me, is the judge. There are others, but for now lets choose this one.

For me, wrapping my mind around my judge was difficult. I've tried justifying "him" (our different selves can be male or female) to make myself feel better. At times I've berated him because he brought up feelings of guilt for judging someone just because I felt righteous and superior. I feel strong when I judge because it makes me feel good to be right, and then I feel horrible because I want to make someone else wrong.

If you can let go of judgment (no pun intended) and really just look at the judge for who he/she is, and how he/she serves you, you will see that the judge is an important part of all our lives. Most may think there is no good in the judge, always having to be right. Let me shine some light on that.

Who gives you strength when you feel small or pushed aside? Who is there for you when you need to make a decision, and makes you look at the "good" side of things, or the "bad" and helps you choose the right thing for you?

Of course we all have the capability to let this self get out of control. When we feel less than, we can get swallowed into judging everyone and everything so as to make ourselves feel better. We can also let the judge get carried away when we feel powerful in who we are and judge those who do not see things the way we do.

My reason for this post is to help you become aware of how you spend your day. Do you allow that others are not at your level of learning or growing, or that you may not be at theirs? Do find yourself completely exhausted after going on a rant to make someone else "wrong"? Do you spend a good part of the day, telling yourself you are bad for judging others?

I'm here to tell you this, your judge is not "good" or "bad", your judge just IS. You have the free will to choose how to use him/her. You can accept that you have this very strong self within, that you may call on in times when you need to make difficult decisions.

Let me offer you this bit of insight. If you have a judge that you feel is out of control, he/she may just be a self that is calling out for your attention. Offer the judge your appreciation for always being there for you, for always helping you feel stronger when you felt weak.

When you find a self that seems out of control, it is merely reaching out to you for attention. Our out of control selves are a lot like a child who throws a tantrum, the child is doing what it does to get attention.

When you are in the healing process, selves you didn't know existed will pop up, most of them have been hidden in your shadow, for most of your life.

Everyone's healing process is different. I will say this, no one is fully healed until they are willing to go into their shadow. Life is all about the ups and downs, and how you handle them. Avoiding one whole part of who you are will never allow you to fully live.

I have done my greatest healing by going into my shadow. I have made friends with, and offered unconditional love to my shadow selves, and I am beginning to see the world in an entirely different way. I feel peace that one can only feel when they love all of who they are.

Blessed Be